News From Across The Pond December edition

By Hawgsdream on

Well folks I hope you had a great holiday season and are looking forward to the new riding year.
Well December seen Big Irish heading South to the island of Tenerife which sits off the coast of Africa level with Morrocco. The whole Island is an active volcano so the roads are awsome. Although it is a primary holiday destination for Brits who fly for 4 hours to a foreign destination and then begin the strange search for bars and restaurants selling English beer, serving English breakfast and fish & chips and there they stay for their two weeks of fun and sun, this practise tends to back up Darwins theory as they are it seems the missing link.
Anyhow off I set from London on 19th December for my Flight with the new bed warmer in tow, Stella, she is quite cool and loves biking and the piss ups which go hand in hand with it as much as I do, she also gets quite horney on the bike, THANK YOU JESUS.
We bought two huge bottles of lime vodka on the flight and upon arrival at our hotel set about demolishing these and about ten big beers, so the first night just sort of ceased to have been recorded in history if you get my drift. Next morning I and my three heads go down for breakfast, now I am sure some of you will have experienced a hangover where when you turn your head it takes a little while for the world to catch up with that movement, I was in that zone as I headed back to the room, all I had to do was negotiate three fecking little steps up from the restaurant to the reception area, daft Irish bollocks got my big toe on the bottom step, felt it crack and went down like a ton of horse shit and slid into two glass double doors which reverberated like church bells when my head battered into them. So with my left toe mashed and what can only be described as a viagra induced erection appearing on my head I proceeded to gather myself up only to meet the guy dropping off my rental bike at reception. Are you sure you are ok to ride says he, if I can get a helmet over this prick growing on my head then yep im your man. The bike was the best I could find, a clapped out 900 Kawasaki which ran like a tractor but WTF it was two wheels so I am happy.
Being a volcano the roads up to and around mount Tiede were mind blowing with every turn being fraught with danger from landslides and rock falls but gave my ass the familiar glowing feeling which in turn prompts a grin like someone who has recently been possesed by beilzibub himself, this demonic possesion then makes you think only of speed and throwing yourself into these bends apart from the odd yelp you can hear somewhere behind you, shit the bed warmer is behind shitting herself, remorse sets in and just as you start to ease off on the gas, a little devil appears on your shoulder and whispers ” Fuck her, if she falls she will either bounce or die ” smile again stretches your face and you wind the throttle further up to drown out the screams. It is only when you see a breathtaking photo opportunity that reality strikes, you pull over and before you even get your foot on the sidestand the demon in now well entrenched in her and with the power of half a dozen pissed rednecks punched me square in the face and ranted something which I know had selfish Irish bastard and taxi in it but fucked if I can remember the rest.
Sanity will return when hunger strikes and we found some fantastic little restaurants up in the mountains with not a brit in sight but food and wine to die for and prices half that of places down in holidaymaker hell on the coast. The rest of the week was just a blur of great roads, food and people which all to soon comes to and end. If you ever get the chance to get over this side of the puddle then riding in tenerife is a must on your itinary.
Returning back to the UK I was amazed that there was no snow and no ice and temperatures which have seen 2011 going down as the warmest since records began, so the wing has come out of the garage and I am making the most of the weather windfall and enjoying riding in the UK in January in a T shirt.
My next trip will be another epic journey with Charley Boorman and the boys to the Guzzi factory in Italy in spring so should be a good one. Until then ride safe, look out for each other.
Big Irish

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